if you want to kill someone stab them with an icicle because the icicle will melt and then there will be no murder weapon
whorgie: the sexual tension when you find out who picked you in heads down thumbs up
backyardskills: jaclcfrost: five months five months of this year have already gone by you’ve made it five months of this year and i’m proud of you oh god i’ve wasted 5 months
aye one time i owed the library like 400 dollas...
niggaimdeadass: it was the summer of 7th grade going to 8th a nigga was stressed and depressed walking home like “how the fuck did i manage to do this to myself” on the brink of tears everyday scared to tell my mom luckily they had this program “read away your fees” or some shit like that every half an hour you sat in the library and read it took 2 dollars off my niggas. my...
bbyurafirewrok: himaryua: how do popular text posts happen? do you hold a gun to a persons head and whisper reblog HOVer
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I hate my friends
lunaticphan: So my driving instructor texted me, and I was walking so I just typed ‘Ok’ and hit send and then I looked at it and was like WHAT But as it turns out, my friends are entirely responsible for turning ‘Ok’ into a shortcut. Cry
vampirequeen: do u ever have those days where it feels like everybody has decided to ignore u at the same time and its like that one episode of spongebob where everybody left bikini bottom to get away from spongebob and ur spongebob
drarna: the fact that axe handles are made of wood is the ultimate “fuck you” to trees
Hercules is definitely the sassiest Disney movie...
wild-hearts-run: First off your leading lady is all curvy and snarky. Second your villain is sarcastic and pissed off all the time. Then you literally have a chorus of these sassy bitches. Calling Meg out on her shit, “like nah uh girl, we know you’re lying! You got it bad for that boy.” Then you got the super sassy god of sass, Hermes. In conclusion, Hercules is one of my...
mishaoverlord: pretzelcoatlus: rakaakakka-fili-kili-bowtie: danyul-and-filup: princess-hardy: what if we are reincarnated when we die and when we’re babies we still remember who we used to be and that’s why we cry so much as babies, because of how our old lives are gone ..and the older we get we start to forget who we used to be in a previous life. well fuck #And the calm and quiet...
theongreyjoy: i’d love to see more women villains that are completely unsympathetic. no stupid “woe is me” backstory that hardly justifies their actions. no victim complex. no hesitation. just a love for carnage and head games and an insatiable lust for pain. mentally unhinged or fully in control. there aren’t enough female characters out there that are truly monsters. as much as it’s fun to see...
you guys i opened a door to let the dogs out and a fucking spider ran across my foot inside and then i was screaming and my mom dropped a plastic bowl on it to not let it run away and then it fUCKING GAVE BIRTH ON THE FLOOR IN THE BOWL AND THEN WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING WHAT DO I DO ITS STILL IN THE BOWL AND ITS JUST HAVING MORE BABIES FUCK IT DROPPED MORE BABIES MY DADS LIKE GASSING...
15hypens: in 7th grade we had this german teacher who immigrated to america from Germany about 23 years ago and one guy in my class thought it would be funny to ask him “Hey, because you’re german does that make you a Nazi?” and in a very thick german accent he replies “Hey, because you’re a white american boy, does that make you a slaveholder?” and the kid never tried to be funny in that class...
lovelynessdreams: the-fandoms-are-cool: kit-pocket: coelacanthteeth: imagine an entire room and it’s all bed no floor, just bed you roll too far to one side? don’t worry, bed’s still there all is bed AWW THE ROOM COMES WITH A COMFY LOOKING HUG JACKET this is exactly the reason why people think everybody here is on drugs
cancune: if a guy stares at ur boobs just stare at his dick maybe squint a little bit
sticler: sassy-gay-dust: omg what if we named animals after the sound they make like in pokemon “take the bark for a walk” “hey could you feed the meows” “hey look at all those moos” woah thats one big PPFKEJGKRTLYKTPLFPLPTLTPPLLF
flowerpixies: urbancatfitters: heeheehaahaahoohoo: in germany we don’t say “let me hug you” we say “lass mich deine seele dem herrscher der finsternis opfern” which translates to “i never want to let you go” and i think thats beautiful. we´ve been found out
hair-old-styles: harrystyies: What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us? My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually
eyebrowgod: whoreiblejokes: eyebrowgod: i don’t wanna have sex i want a razor scooter goddammit liar look bruh you can either have sex and feel shitty afterwards or get the sickest air of your life the choice is obvious
rneerkat: thisisnotlogansblog: rneerkat: rneerkat: is there a month between april and june? may be you can’t answer your own jokes “why did the chicken cross the road?” “why” “sorry cant answer my own jokes ur gonna have to find the solution yourself”
sluttyoliveoil: when you feel a sneeze coming on
yliluonnollista-paskaa: narfnin: awesomephilia: Whiteboards are remarkable. I HAD TO REBLOG THIS A SECOND TIME BECAUSE I JUST REALIZED ITS A PUN AND NOW I FEEL STUPID so at first you reblogged it just because you think whiteboards are remarkable?
snowllux: the-yolocaust: [STEALS THE BIKE AND RUNS] AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU ASSHOLE